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Yul.


Estelle
TP ADM

Box.
scream out loud



But, you're the brightest star

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    Monday, June 1, 2009
    On sunday, i was working with hazel.
    den she randomly asked me how was my school.
    i say it was sian. (thinking bcus of the assignments and the shit piling up)
    she asked why.
    before i could answer, she replied. isit bcus u got no friends?
    well, i was kind of angry at first. ( thinking is that how she and chrissytheb think of me? )
    but i think now. its somewhat true.

    i think i got no friends in school.
    what happened?
    i dont know.


    I spent nearly 3 - 4 hours doing up a mood board last night for presentation.
    He just took it and see it for a mere 10 seconds before he failed me.
    i knew i failed the last 2 presentation.
    i did up all the grp presentation and my own.
    i screwed mine for not presenting it well.
    i didnt practice.
    do i even have time to do so?
    Why do i have to put in so much work, when they get to lie back and score high while i clear the shits?

    i got grp mates who wanted to meet at 9.30am.
    and then, they came at 10.30, another at 11+.
    i slept at 3in the morning, and woke up with a fear so big of being scared i couldnt wake up on time to finish my work.
    i drag myself to sch.

    i did my assignments til 7am in the morning.
    i was the first to reach sch, and the last to go home to finish my paintings.
    it wasnt i didnt put in effort.
    i did.
    and if i did put the same effort into any other sch courses.
    i could have already gotten more. so much more.
    i always say i anyhow, heck it. But then, they are still the many many efforts i really put in.


    Tell me,
    why did i tried so hard to get myself into this state.


    i miss sleeping in class, sitting beside ty, going recess with sy,lydia,ty. doodling nonsense on jh paper, being irritating to tchers, having fun, cursing amaths, regretting for not studying earlier.


    Maybe they are right, maybe they are all right about me.
    What have i done to deserve all these..
    Im the weird person flying in the wrong freq thats why so many people treat me this way right?

    im so tired. im hungry and i felt like sleeping.
    and hoping i will never wake up again.


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